9 Common Ways Narcissists Treat Their Exes – You just broke up with a narcissist. Or maybe you are preparing for an ample opportunity.
Whatever the case, you’ve experienced the darkness of dating someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and now you’re ready to run.
Today, we unpack how narcissists treat their exes to help you prepare for what’s next.
Specifically, we dive into nine ways people with NPD behave after a romantic breakup.
Psychological researchers have identified various narcissists, but they all have similar traits.
Our answers to these FAQs may not precisely fit your life’s NPD personality, but they provide a general framework of what to expect when you split up.
Why do narcists talk so much about their ex?
Narcists live with an insatiable thirst for attention and affection and use underhand tactics to achieve their goals.
Badmouthing ex-partners to gain pity and understanding is expected. Plus, they use cautionary tales about their horrifying exes to groom new partners. Narcissists will speak ill of former lovers to illustrate how not to act.
This tactic works well with people pleasers and people with low self-esteem.
Do narcissists love and miss their ex?
As a general rule, narcists don’t miss or love their past love, but they will work hard to convince you they do.
Ultimately, people with NPD are unable to miss someone truly. They don’t know how. Their brains don’t work that way. What they do miss is exercising control over you.
Do narcissists ever get back together with their ex?
Many narcissists snake their way back to their ex-lovers.
Why? Because they appreciate familiarity and become attached to emotional toys.
To eliminate a pathologically self-centred individual, you must cut off their narcissistic supply by cutting off all interaction.
Why does the narcist want to be friends with an ex?
Why organises the narcissist need to be families with an ex? Custody, the door open to sexual closeness, is a priority.
Like a cat on the prowl, they will wait until you are vulnerable and then pounce.
Second, narcissists like to maintain control over their exes. They are lowered with gaslighting and triangulation.
Third, going the friendship route is easier on their egos than outright rejection.
What Does A Narcissist At The End Of A Relationship?
In the end of a relationship, the narcissist will likely descend into free fall and seek revenge in any way possible. The act of revenge aims at breaking your self-esteem and even your ego/you feel betrayed, and you do not know how to react to this reality. In short, your former abuser is waiting to trigger a reaction from you, whether good or bad.
After an unwanted breakup, the narcissist will do everything to push you to your limits, to make you lash out and therefore look like the bad guy. That’s why your first action after a breakup should be to block him purely and to work on yourself to move on and not think about him anymore. Don’t try to keep in touch with him because you won’t be able to stop his hold as long as you are in contact with him.
9 Common Ways Narcissists Treat Their Exes
People with NPD are not the ideal exes; they are more like hungry and rabid monsters. Instead of saying sayonara and breaking away, they dig their nails into each other, pound their chests, and whip up a caldron of lies.
In many ways, their behaviour is an expressive continuation of the relationship. Exercising control, protecting their fragile egos and gaining sympathy from unsuspecting parties remains high on their agendas.
So what can you expect? Let’s dive.
1. Emotional manipulation
If you break up with a narcissist, be prepared for a truckload of emotional manipulation to land on your doorstep. Your ex-NPD will do everything in their power to open up insecurities and exploit weaknesses. They will often address triggering issues to cause you to get up. And yes, they will do it both in public and in private.
Destruction is their goal, and they operate as sledgehammers. Even if you cut them out completely, they may take a couple of months to move on.
2. Continuous harassment
In a world of narcissists, they are the only person that matters, and they don’t give a nanosecond of thought to the wishes of others. Your request to stop all contact will go in one ear and immediately fly out the other.
They will continue to text, email, call, and bombard your social media pages. Do not collapse and respond. That’s what they want. Instead, make yourself happy and tell your friends and family to do the same! This is a case where someone’s ghost is brilliant.
3. Continued disparagement
What are you successful in doing without me? You will never find someone as good as me. You need me to protect you!
These are typical examples of NPD breakout conversations. It has two purposes:
- eroding your self-esteem
- bolstering your ego
Narcissists make disparaging statements because, deep down, they are paralysing and insecure. That may sound contradictory. After all, people with NPD are very boastful. But pain gave birth to boasting.
Invoking compassion for narcissists is difficult; it helps to recall that they are the way they are because someone froze them awfully at a young age.
We’re not signifying you put up with it, but focusing on that fact may keep you from internalising its quills and behaviour.
4. Aggressive sexual advances
Why do many people stay in relationships with narcissists? Reasons abound, one of which is mind-blowing sex. There are theories about why this is so, but it’s all speculation.
Regardless, they often use their sexual prowess as a manipulative tool after a breakup. The goal is to attract you back to their website.
Please do your best to stand firm against their advances! Please do not open the door to their violent games again!
5. The blame disposed
Look what you finished me do: a familiar chant among abusers and narcissists. This cowardly cry calms his pangs of guilt and restores a sense of inner balance because regret is like kryptonite to NPD’s brain.
Their manic embarrassment and aversion mean they will blame you for the breakup no matter the circumstances. You may have catered to his every whim and prioritised his feelings. Heck, they may have started the separation!
And yet, you will be the scapegoat. The blame for the end of relationships will fall squarely on your shoulders.
Oh, and guess what? Most narcissists will exploit their abuse in the city online and offline. Compromised ones can even reach the ears of their family members with a worm’s tongue.
All you can do is squawk. Your friends and family will not believe them. And the people who give credence to malicious gossip are probably not worth it.
6. Reputation blurring
Why do narcissists talk about their exes? Because they love to destroy other people. It increases your confidence and prevents an emotional state of inadequacy. So guess them to go for the jugular when you split up.
People with NPD will use social broadcasting to smear their name from TikTok to Facebook. Get ready for it. Talk to your friends and family and prepare them too.
Fortunately, this attack chapter usually doesn’t last forever. Before long, they change tactics or become concerned about someone else.
Blackmail is another well-used arrow in the narcissist’s quiver. Did you ever share intimate photos with them? Did you two experiment in your sex lives and videos while together?
First of all, don’t let an ounce of embarrassment invade you. It is perfectly acceptable for adults to consent to sculpt their sex lives in whatever way they fit. Nevertheless, if you want to avoid the headache, try to gather all the materials before you disconnect relationships.
Otherwise, there is a 99% chance that the narcissist will hold this sword over your pâté. The good newscast is that most never follow through on their threats.
And hey, if they do, the p-rn revenge laws are on your side.
8. False promises
When they are done throwing tantrums and making threats, narcissists often turn around and start down the path of false promises.
They will shower you with votes and tell you what you want to hear. They’re going to therapy! She is a changed person! Now they realise that they are partly to blame!
Don’t believe the hype. It’s just another control tactic. His real goal is to catch you in a fly trap so the manipulation games can restart.
9. Allure Overload
Yes, people with NPD can be mean, bitter, childish, and oppressively arrogant, but they can also charm people. Isn’t that part of what fascinated you in the first place?
It keeps you as a frielikingr like proposals are last minute effPlease dots. Do your favour a favour, and don’t fall for them. It’s just a ticket back to Miseryville.
Narcissists protect themselves at all costs at the expense of others, and 9.8 out of 10 times, they cannot change. Doctors have yet to discover an effective treatment for NPD, so do your best to avoid the “I can change them” trap. The wake of breaks can be harsh, but you’ll soon be landing in calmer waters.
Find an NPD survival group online if you need help withstanding the storm. They can be of great help.